The Bungee Cord

Hello,

Over the course of my nearly 69 years, there are two times that I have felt most at peace. Certainly, there have been many, many times when peace has taken hold of my soul and many of those times have been when I have received Holy Communion around the table of the Lord. But there are two specific times when the peace that I felt was so profound that I remember them today.

Many years ago, when my wife and I were young and having kids, which we had three boys, I was always anxious during my wife’s pregnancy. Part of my anxiety came from the fact that I attract anxiety like a magnet, but the other part of my anxiety came from the fact that as a pastor, I was all too aware of all the things that could go wrong leading up to a birth. That is what ministry does to you. It often puts you in people’s lives when things are falling apart. In those younger years of ministry, I had become all too well acquainted with tears of parents who were confronted with the reality of this broken world. And so, for me, each of our three pregnancies were laced with anxiety. As it turned out, all three of my boys were healthy and continue to be so.

But when my third son was born, I had this hovering fear that having dodged the bullet two times, it just might not be so on the third. So, when the time came for my son to make his way into the world, my wife and I went to the hospital and soon found ourselves in a delivery room. In my recollection, the labor was not as long this time (ask my wife, and she can tell you for sure!), but for some reason my anxiety was higher. I was more fearful of what the birth might bring, and my imagination was taking me into deeper and darker possibilities. Then I heard the nurse say, “The baby is coming!”, and in that moment of complete helplessness, I found the thoughts of my mind turning around, as it occurred to me that God who loves me with all of his being would give me the courage and strength to handle whatever came my way…even the worst things that had been polluting my mind. And in that moment when everything was completely out of my hands, I felt an abiding peace in the hands of God that was overwhelming.

The second time was not so long ago. As you may remember, I had kidney cancer a little over four years ago, which brought a jolt of fear. To make a long story short, in preparation for having my cancer stricken kidney taken out, they did a whole lot of tests, and after one of the tests, a cat scan, I got a call from my doctor who said to me that the scan was showing that I had a “compromised blood vessel in my brain”, and I should immediately go to the hospital to get a special MRI to address the problem. “Pack some clothes,” the nurse said, “as they will probably want to keep you there.” So, my wife and I hopped in the car, and I was scared to death, as the news made me fear that my death might be near. If the cancer had not been enough to knock me off my feet, this was like a right-hand blow from Mohamed Ali. We got to the hospital, and they quickly got me into the MRI room and put me on the table and started to slide me into the machine, when the 23rd Psalm popped into my mind….The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not be in want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures……”. And in that moment of complete helplessness sliding into the “

valley of the shadow of death”, I suddenly felt a peace, that as scripture says, “surpasses all human understanding”. The fear was shattered, and I “feared no evil.” Although that machine was holding me so tightly that I could not move, I felt the grip of God on me that made that machine’s grip, and even death’s grip, feel like nothing more than a pinch. Fortunately, the bulging vessel was deemed as probably having been there my whole life, and since it hadn’t popped yet, the likelihood was that it wasn’t going to pop.

Those two events were etched into my memory and my soul with their soothing peace. Interestingly enough, both of them were at times when things were completely out of my control. I don’t know about you, but I know that I find myself trying to keep things under control, and when things seem to be slipping out of control, I tend to up my efforts. A friend of mine some years ago, who was experiencing his life falling apart out of control, said a very wise thing to me, “Control is really just an illusion.”

Granted, it is a foolish thing to live life without making plans, setting goals, and being wise, but there are times when all of those things no longer hold things together and we find ourselves with no control, and when those times have crashed upon me, I have heard the echo of Psalm 46 ringing in my ears saturating me with peace, “Be still and know that I am God,” and I feel peace.

Have a great week.

God’s grace and peace, (ggap)

Pastor Jerry Nuernberger